A Very Special Houseguest
by mrwriter1701
Summary: Tempus. AngelHighlander crossover...sorta. AU No known characters appear in the story, only my own. The Tempus team gets a visit from Mercedes' aunt from Mexico...


Disclaimer: I do not own the world or the concept of immortals - they belong to the creators of Angel and Highlander, respectively. The characters are mine or my accociates. And the idea is all mine...

Teaser

"Jim, will it be okay if I use the guest room for a few days?"

Mercedes poked her head through the door to Jim's office and looked at him.

Jim looked up from his desk and the case file he was reading through.

"What do you mean use it? Are you planning to move into it?"

"No, but my Aunt Connie just called me and asked if she could visit me for a couple of days. She's my mom's sister, and after my parents died she's sort of the head of the family. I was just wondering if you would be okay with her staying here while she was in San Francisco?"

"Of course I'd be okay with it, Mercedes. Your friends are our friends, and your family is our family. When was she planning on coming?"

"In 3 days. She is just getting her visa. She's driving up here."

"Sure. Just let the others know that we'll get a house guest. But with the amount of people we have in this house one more is not going to matter."

Mercedes smiled and nodded. "I'll do that."

With that, she closed the door, and Jim went back to work, unaware that he had just signed a deal with the devil.

1.

Aunt Connie arrived on Saturday morning, and the first sign the Tempus team got of her arrival was the doorbell. At 6 in the morning, the jingling bell that Andrew had modified to a volume that could be heard all over the house began to ring. And ring. And ring.

Drowsily, Andrew walked down the steps, still in his t-shirt and shorts, his normal sleepwear.

"Who the hell comes at this hour?" He mumbled, as he crossed through the downstairs corridor to the reception area. Maybe it was time to post a sign with opening hours on the front door.

He opened the door, and saw a brown flash move towards his legs. Reflexively, he crouched and shot out his hand – and felt his hand close around a small, warm and soft body.

Surprised, he blinked and saw a brown wiener dog in his hand. It looked at him with its black eyes….and bit into his finger with it's small sharp teeth.

"Ow!" He howled and let the dog go in surprise, and it ran past his legs. Andrew looked up and his gaze went past a pair of black shoes, a black skirt and a black shirt up to a face framed by a red scarf. The face was wrinkled, with two piercing eyes and a mouth that seemed to have no lips to speak up. The woman's hair was hidden under the scarf, but a tuft of grey could be seen just under the edge of the fabric.

"Mr. Corrigan?" The woman said.

"No…I'm Andrew Picardt, his associate. Can I help you?"

"I'm Conzeptión Garcia. I'm here to see my niece Mercedes."

"Oh…" Andrew slapped his forehead. "You're Mercedes' Aunt! Of course. We just didn't expect you this early. Come in, please."

Conzeptión walked through the front door, carrying two large suitcases.

"Let me help you with those…" Andrew began, but she waved him away.

"No need, _muchacho_. So, are you the young man that is going to be my son-in-law?"

"What? Oh…um…no, you must be thinking of Herbert. Look, Mrs. Garcia…"

"Just call me Connie. Most people do."

"Connie, then. Why don't you wait in the kitchen, and I'll go wake up your niece and everybody else. Would you like some coffee?"

"I would. Thank you."

Andrew led her into the kitchen, sat her down on a chair and started the coffee maker. Normally, Mercedes made the coffee, as she was by far the best coffee brewer in the house, but Andrew figured that the electric coffee maker would do for now. Then, he hurried up to the first floor and knocked on Mercedes' door.

"Mercedes…you need to get up! It's your Aunt! She's in the kitchen!"

There was rustling behind the door, and Mercedes appeared in a nightgown and bathrobe.

"Really? Oh, that's great! She's early, as always. Thanks for letting her in, Andrew."

"No problem", Andrew said and ran a hand over his face. He was a light sleeper, and woke up quickly.

"Did you know she brought a dog?"

"A dog? Oh…that must be Gordita, her wiener dog. She brought him?"

Andrew held out his hand, where the marks of teeth were bleeding slightly.

"I think I'm going to go wash this hand."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You probably just startled him. He's usually a nice dog. I'm sure you'll be okay, though…it's just a scratch."

Mercedes clapped him on the shoulder and ran downstairs in her bathrobe and slippers.

Andrew walked to Jim's door and knocked.

"Jim…code red. Get up!"

He then walked upstairs to his bathroom, but knocked on Herbert's door before going in. Murph he didn't feel the need to wake up. It would be impossible without anything short of cannon shots.

As the team slowly drifted into the kitchen, some of them looking slightly sleepy, they found Mercedes and her Aunt at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and eating cookies that Connie had brought in a large tin bucket. They were laughing and speaking rapidly in Spanish.

Herbert, who was the first down, had put on a green blazer over his shirt, and he felt he looked pretty good for a first time family meeting. Connie looked up and down at him and then asked Mercedes:

"Está eso él?"

Mercedes nodded. "Yes, Aunt Connie, this is Herbert Schmidt. My boyfriend."

Connie's face lit up. She had taken off her scarf, and her grey hair lay around her head like a helmet. She got to her feet and grabbed Herbert around the shoulders. Then, she pulled him close to her and kissed him firmly on both cheeks.

"Hello, _miho._ I'm so glad to meet you!"

"Um…glad to meet you too", Herbert said, not exactly knowing how to react.

"You must tell me all about yourself. How you two met, how you fell in love, everything. Since my sister passed away, I am the closest you will come to a mother-in-law!" Connie smiled, and kissed both his cheeks again.

Jim, who came into the kitchen in time to witness the second kiss, grinned. "Nice to see everybody is getting along."

"Aunt Connie, this is my boss, Jim Corrigan" Mercedes introduced.

Jim gave her his hand and she shook it with surprising strength.

"So you are the one giving my little Mercedes a job? Oh, The Lord bless you! If it wasn't for you she could be working at Walmart or even worse, she could be back in Mexico after my poor sister and her husband died."

Jim blinked. He didn't usually care to being blessed, and especially by strangers. But he caught Mercedes' eyes and the message in them was clear: _Behave yourself!_

"Well…thanks. We're glad you could come and see us up here. When you are ready, Mercedes can show you the guest room. It's just across the hall from her room."

"Thank you, Mr. Corrigan."

"Jim, please."

Connie smiled. "All right, Jim. And call me Connie."

Andrew, who had put on clothes and cleaned his hand, now came into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Connie, but your dog seems to have taken a liking to my office. Do you think you could get him out of there?"

Jim, who was pouring himself a cup of coffee, turned his head. "You brought a dog?"

Connie nodded. "Well, of course. I could not just leave him at home, could I? He is such a friendly little boy…you'll hardly know he's here."

Andrew lifted his hand so Jim could see it. "Real friendly little fellow."

"Well, Andrew's office does have some sensitive equipment, Connie. If you could call the dog out of there, I'm sure it would be appreciated."

"Of course."

Connie got up and went into the corridor. Andrew whispered "The little cretin bit me the moment we met. And you know I usually get along very well with animals. I was a pre vet for Pete's sake!"

Mercedes whispered: "You probably scared him, like I told you. Please, guys – play it nice, ok?"

They all nodded and Jim put down the coffee pot again.

Herbert put his hand on Mercedes back, rubbing it slightly. "If she's your family, then I'll do anything. You know that, love."

"I know." She gripped his hand and gave it a squeeze. "It's just…it's the first time I've seen my family since the whole Moonlight Cove-story, and…well, she doesn't know what happened. Nobody in the family does. They just think it was some sort of industrial accident, like the papers said. And I couldn't exactly tell Aunt Connie that I lived with an immortal or that my boyfriend is a mage, could I? So I'm a bit nervous."

"Do you want us to tell her about what we are? What we do here?" asked Andrew.

"I…I don't know yet. Maybe. We'll see how it goes. I wouldn't want to upset her, and she is very catholic. I don't want her to think I'm dating a henchman of the devil."

"Hey!" Herbert poked her in the ribs with a finger, and she smiled.

"If she thinks Herbert is a henchman of the devil, I wonder what she would think if we brought her down in the basement and showed her the collection we 'inherited' from dr. Reynolds" Andrew said, smiling. He was thinking about the hundreds of jars filled with abnormal fetuses, organs and assorted body parts, that the team had picked up during an assignment in London.

"Don't even think about it!" Mercedes' eyes widened. "She's not as open minded as I am, ok?"

Herbert kissed her cheek. "We'll all be on our best behavior, we promise. You just relax and enjoy the week."

Connie came back in, now holding onto the collar of a small, chubby dog.

"This is Gordita, everybody. Be nice to him, and he'll be nice to you. I'm afraid, though, that he is a little bit more ill-tempered than when you were a little girl, Mercedes. I had him fixed a year ago, and he got a little strange after that." She petted the dog, which looked up at her with admiring eyes. "But you are such a gooood boy, aren't you?" she asked in a cooing voice.

The dog barked a single bark and wagged his tail.

Connie sat down and looked at Herbert and Mercedes.

"I'd like to take you two out for dinner tonight. Would that be all right?"

"Well…sure" Mercedes said, looking at Herbert who nodded. "We'd love to."

"Yes, I'm sure that you have important business to attend to today, so I'll try not to intrude."

Jim cleared his throat. "Actually, out schedule is quite open right now. We're working on a case involving some computer hacking, and Andrew mostly handles that sort of thing. And Vaughn is coming over tomorrow to talk about a case we had about a week ago regarding demons…"

Mercedes looked up, sending him a stern look. Jim quickly backtracked.

"…which is a street gang in San Francisco. He might have some…insights."

"So Mr. Vaughn…is that the priest you talked about in your letters, _miha_?"

"Yes, he is. Father Christopher Vaughn. Jim just doesn't like to call him Father, because he is not catholic."

"Not catholic?" Connie looked at Jim. "Well, what one isn't, one can become."

Jim had the urge to say something snappy, but instead picked up his cup and walked out of the kitchen. "I'll be in my office."

Connie looked at Mercedes and Herbert. "I hope you two will be trying to turn his mind to God…because YOU are a catholic, aren't you?" She looked at Herbert sternly.

"That I am, Connie. But I'm afraid that Jim is a little…eccentric…about his religious preferences."

"I DID notice that you had no icon on the desk outside in the lobby" Connie said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Well, not everybody here in America does that sort of thing. And besides, Jim doesn't want me to put up religious stuff. But I have the virgin de Guadalupe in my room" Mercedes said.

"That's my girl. Now, you go and do what you have to do today, and I'll meet you for dinner at…5?"

"That sounds wonderful. Come on, let me show you where the guest room is" Mercedes said. Herbert started reaching for the suitcases, but Connie lifted them both herself effortlessly. She then followed Mercedes out the door and up the stairs.

Herbert rubbed his chin, and went into his office.

2.

Jim had worked for a couple of hours organizing a case file, and talking on the phone to the manger of his stock portfolio. Ever since he had thought of investing some money in an up and coming company called Microsoft in the mid 80's, money had rarely been a problem in his life.

He had worked with the door closed, so when he got up around noon to get a cup of coffee and a sandwich, he at first could not identify the smell that filled the downstairs corridor. It took him a moment to identify it as furniture polish.

"What the hell…" he mumbled, and then noticed the small table outside the door to his office seemed to shine more than normal. He touched it with a finger, and sniffed it.

"Who the hell is cleaning?" he wondered, and caught a movement out of his right eye. He turned, and saw Connie coming out of the file room by the stairs.

"Connie…is that you cleaning?"

"Well, yes. Honestly Jim, it seems a wonder that you boys can live in this mess!"

Jim, who didn't think his house particularly messy, pointed behind her. "What…what were you doing in there?"

"Oh, I was just giving the furniture in there a quick runover with the polish. The wood in there looks like you smoke inside the house, Jim."

"Well, of course I do. Why?"

She shook her head. "It ruins the wood and the ceilings, as well as the curtains. I must ask you not to smoke around my little dog, though – he's very sensitive."

Jim was about to ask her if she was telling him that he could not smoke in his own home, when Mercedes' voice rang in his head. _"Please guys, play it nice, OK?"_

"All right, Connie. I won't smoke around your dog."

He walked towards the kitchen, when Connie behind him said:

"Oh, and I fixed your file cabinets."

Jim froze. "What do you mean, fixed?"

"Well, they were all out of order. It seemed like you just stuck them down helter skelter. So I alphabetized them."

A chill ran up Jim's spine. His case files were not only sorted by supernatural event, but cross referenced by possible connecting leads. If she had put them in alphabetic order…

He put his coffee cup down on the little table and walked quickly towards the file room. Connie took a step to the side, suddenly alarmed at the thundercloud-look he had in his face.

He walked quickly to a file cabinet, opened a drawer and leafed through the files. Sure enough – all alphabetized. To put them back in order might take him days.

He closed the drawer, standing with his back to Connie. He made his hands into fist, fighting to keep his temper down, not wanting to shout into Connie's face but feeling an enormous urge to.

"Connie…my case files were in a very specific system. I have spent a long time making this order, and now I can start all over again. Please…please don't mess around with the files again. Ever. In fact, don't go in here. OK?"

"Well…sure. Of course. If you don't want a helping hand…"

He heard her start to walk away, and then she said "Did you take over this firm from your father, Jim?"

"What?"

"There were files in there that were quite old…from the 60's and 70's, and the man in the photos look a lot like you. I was just curious."

She walked away, and left Jim to hit his fist against the file cabinet in frustration.

Herbert sat down at the table, feeling slightly uncomfortable in the tie Mercedes had asked him to wear. It was not his style at all, but she had insisted, and had even checked him out before they left, to make sure that "nothing clashed". Mercedes herself was a radiant sight as always, although Herbert had been asked to choose between two outfits. She had chosen the one he had voted against. But to him, it didn't matter. She was beautiful no matter what she wore.

They had decided to go to a small restaurant by the harbor. Not only was it good, it was also fast at giving you your ordered food, something Herbert appreciated.

Connie, who had changed into a slightly more fashionable black suit, stood across the table, seeming to wait for something. Her eyes met Herbert's. Herbert looked at her for a second, before realizing that she was waiting for her chair to be pulled out.

He quickly got up, and pulled the chair out for her to sit. She smiled, and sat down. Herbert then found his own seat again, feeling slightly silly.

When he had been close to her, Herbert had noticed that Connie had a strange, exotic scent clinging to her. He assumed it was some kind of Mexican perfume.

"So…" Connie said, reaching for the menu, "when are you two going to tie the knot?"

Herbert had taken a mouthful of water, and almost choked. Connie's voice was not particularly low, in fact he thought most of the people at the surrounding tables could hear her. He wiped his mouth, but Mercedes answered for him.

"Aunt Connie, we just began dating a few weeks ago. We haven't made any plans…"

"Plans, pth", Connie said, making a spitting sound between her lips, "your uncle and I were married 48 hours after he came into the tavernã."

"But that was years ago. We don't do things like that anymore. Besides, hadn't grandpapa decided you had to marry him before you ever met?"

"So what if he had. We knew right away we were meant to be together, and I assumed you two were the same?"

"Well, Connie", Herbert said, leaning over the table, "It's not that Mercedes and I aren't glad to be together, but…we would just like to get to know each other in a relationship before we…."

"Get to know each other?" Connie said sharply, startling the waiter who was approaching their table carrying a pitcher of water, "I hope you have been a good catholic, Mercedes, and not given away your womanly prize before the wedding?"

Mercedes blushed, but it was hard to tell if she was embarrassed or angry. Herbert leaned mostly towards both.

"You know…no play together before you pray together, as your grandfather used to say to your mother and me!"

"Excuse me…" the waiter asked with a careful voice, "Would any of you care for a glass of water before you order?"

"Yes, please" Herbert said, wiping his forehead.

Mercedes looked like she was ready to explode, but she bit her tongue until the waiter had filled their glasses and walked away.

"How…how can you say something like that, Aunt Connie? In the middle of a restaurant?"

"Well, it's a perfectly legitimate concern" Connie answered and opened her menu, "I think I will have the veal. How about you?"

Herbert picked up his menu, thankful for a normal conversation topic. "I think…I'll have a steak."

He looked at Mercedes, but saw that Connie looked at him wide eyed.

"Aren't you going to order anything for her?"

"Well…I figured she was capable of ordering her own food."

Mercedes looked smiling at him and nodded. "Yes, I am. And I think I'll have the grilled swordfish, please."

"It is most appropriate for the husband to order for his wife" Connie said, her voice still raised.

"Why? How would I know what she wants? She's not a child, she can make up her own mind."

"And besides, he's not my husband, Aunt Connie. He's my boyfriend."

"Ahh, but he will be soon. And then you can make beautiful little babies together. And they will all be American citizens, so they can get the good jobs…"

"Um…actually…" Herbert said, but Mercedes put a hand on his arm to silence him.

"We don't know if we want to have children yet, Aunt Connie. We haven't even talked about it. Now, can we please order? What is with you today?"

"Yes, let's just order" Herbert nodded, and signaled the waiter, who had been hovering nearby.

"We'll have a steak, and a grilled swordfish…"Herbert looked at Connie questioningly, "did you want veal?"

Connie nodded.

"And…2 bottles of wine. One red, one white, please."

The waiter wrote his order down, took the menus and walked away.

"Is it so bad to want to get to know each other in a relationship, before you swear to live together for the rest of your life?" Mercedes asked Connie, her voice containing an edge that wasn't normally there.

"Not as long as you live after God's teachings. You know the rules you must abide by, Mercedes. And so do you, Herbert, if you are a good catholic boy."

"Aunt Connie, what's gotten into you?" Mercedes asked, her eyes now shining with tears, "You've never spoken like this before."

"Well, I have never had to. Your mother as always looked after you, and hopefully in the future, Herbert will take care of you, but right now it is my responsibility that you act like a good catholic."

The waiter brought the wine, and poured a little bit into Herbert's glass. He tasted, nodded and the waiter poured him a full glass. Mercedes, despite having recently turned 21, had to pull out her purse and show her drivers license before the waiter would pour her a glass to go with her fish.

Connie waved the bottle away, when the waiter tipped it towards her and instead sipped the water glass she had been given.

Herbert took a large sip of wine, feeling like he needed it.

"So, you have not talked at all about how many children you want to have together. I see. Have you discussed how many of your cousins that can stay with you?"

"Excuse me?" Herbert asked.

"No, we haven't…" Mercedes began, but Connie spoke over her.

"Yes, we were hoping that when Mercedes get your American citizenship after you are married, she could bring a few of her cousins up from Mexico. Family reunification, I believe it's called."

"Yes, but…"

"…And then, they can get the good jobs because they will be part of an American family!" Connie beamed.

"Actually…they'll be part of a German family" Herbert said.

"And they can…what?" Connie's eyes shifted to him, and for the first time, Herbert realized what was wrong with her. She was intoxicated. He could see her pupils and they were clearly dilated. But how? She hadn't drunk any wine, and even if she had slugged a glass or two, it could hardly have had the time to work yet.

"German?" Connie asked, and now looked almost angry. "Those dirty, warmongering, cabbage-eating…"

"Excuse me?"

"Aunt Connie, please…"

"GERMANS!" Connie asked again, her voice now raised to almost shouting.

"Yes, Germans!", Herbert said, "I happen to be a German citizen living here on a work visa. I'm sure that my work visa will be extended to Mercedes, but for all intends and purpose, she will be a German citizen and a member of the European Union."

Connie made a sign of the cross. "The union of the Devil!" she hissed.

"Connie, please…"

"It is written in the book of Daniel, and in Revelations, that the European Union is under the rule of the Antichrist!" Connie said hoarsely.

Now, people at the surrounding tables were not even discreet about looking at them. Even though San Francisco was a city full of strange people, people always loved to watch something extraordinary.

The waiter, who was bringing their order, looked questioningly at Herbert and Mercedes.

"Are you ready to eat?"

Mercedes nodded, her eyes full of tears.

"Mercedes, she's drunk!" Herbert whispered.

"What? But…she doesn't drink. At least, not normally, and I haven't seen her drink anything but water. How can she be drunk?"

"What are you whispering about?" Connie asked. "Deciding where the honeymoon should go? Well, you are always welcome to visit me in Mexico!"

_Right now, I don't exactly think I'd have a good time!_, Herbert thought, but said instead "Let's just eat, what do you say, Connie? Your veal looks good."

Connie looked at her food and picked up her utensils. Her head was now swaying noticeably.

"It's getting worse and worse!" Mercedes whispered.

"Maybe, if she eats something, it will counteract it, and she'll fell better."

Herbert cut of a piece of his meat and tasted it. It was good, but it was hard to enjoy it right now.

"I must say, I don't know if I'm comfortable with Mercedes marrying a German man…" Connie said and pointed at him with a finger, "you are fanatical and you made so many wars….I'm sure when you had killed off all the Jews, the Mexicans would have been next!"

"Look", Herbert said, "We're not all like that. That was a very long time ago, and to tell you the truth most of the German people are ashamed about what happened. So please, let's let the matter rest."

"But…"

"But I love Mercedes very much. Can't that be good enough, weather I'm German or American?"

Connie hesitated.

"I…I suppose so. If you two will excuse me, I don't feel well."

She got up and staggered through the restaurant heading for the restrooms.

"I trust she's not like this all the time?" Herbert asked when she had passed outside the range of their voices.

"No, she's catholic, sure, but nothing like that. And she DID marry my uncle very fast, but…"

"Maybe we should call it a night and take her home."

"No." Mercedes used a napkin to wipe the last tears away from the corners of her eyes, "I just…got flustered, that's all. We'll finish dinner and then go home.

Herbert took her hand. "I know it's silly to ask but…you're not against the thought of us getting married eventually, are you? I mean…once we've decided that it's something we'd like to do."

"No. Of course not."

She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, soft and fresh. And he smelled that same smell on her lips that he had smelled on Connie.

"Mercedes, did you and your Aunt drink anything together today…anything the same?"

"Well, we had coffee with Murph before we left…he made the coffee and…"

Her voice trailed off, as she remembered. Murph usually put brandy in his coffee…sometimes, a LOT of brandy…and they had poured from the same pot. She had not seen Murph put the brandy into his own glass, ergo…"

"He put brandy in the coffeepot!" She whispered. "And Aunt Connie had 3 cups!"

At that moment, a female waiter tapped Herbert on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Sir…it appears if your companion has fallen asleep in the restroom. Do you think you might take her home?"

3

When Connie greeted them next morning, she was most apologetic towards Mercedes and Herbert. Jim and Andrew, who had helped carry her up the stairs when Herbert had pulled up in front of the house last night, was mostly amused by the whole situation.

Connie rubbed Mercedes' back several times, speaking to her in Spanish. Jim, who knew a little Spanish, thought she was continually apologizing and talking about how glad she was that Mercedes was being a "good Christian".

Murph, who Herbert and Mercedes had found in the living room when they came home, was slightly embarrassed that his coffee had knocked Connie over, but made a remark about how wonderful it had been to see a woman liking anything he had made. He and Connie had talked for a while the night before, and Murph appeared quite smitten with her.

"I must admit, not since I lost my dear wife have I seen such a fine woman!", he told Andrew, "both fair to look at and pleasing of spirit. A delicate picture of feminine beauty."

Andrew didn't exactly consider Connie to be particularly feminine – she was almost as wide as she was tall and her mouth had a way of looking disapproving even when she was smiling – but he knew better than to contradict Murph. That could lead to an afternoon spent with him.

Mercedes accepted the apology, but excused herself after breakfast, saying she had some work to do.

Jim sat in his office waiting for Father Christopher to show up, when he heard a clatter outside his door in the lobby. He got to his feet and in 3 quick steps reached the door, opening it quickly. You never knew in this line of business.

The lobby looked empty, except for porcelain shards on the floor. Shards that Jim immediately identified as being the Ming vase he had kept on a table in there. Gordita stood next to the shards, looking every bit as innocent as a fox in a chicken coop.

Jim sighed. He heard footsteps in the corridor, and Connie appeared, looking at the dog.

"Oh…Gordita…what have you done? Bad doggy!"

She walked to the dog and picked it up. She looked at Jim. "I'm sorry about that. I'll glue it back together for you."

"Glue…it back together?" Jim asked, not believing what he heard.

"Well, I'm sure it can be fitted fine. You'll hardly notice it's been broken."

She brought out a dustpan and a broom, and quickly swept the shards up.

"There. I'll sit in the kitchen and fix it."

"Fine." Jim's teeth were clenched hard. He had by now decided that what he had told Mercedes was a lie. Connie would never be his family and he was glad of it.

"Oh, and – Jim, before you go back in, let me get your curtains."

"My curtains?"

"Yes, I'm washing all the curtains. They really need it with all the smoke this house has seen. You would think someone smoked constantly."

Jim turned around and headed for the corridor and the stairs.

"You get the curtains. I think I'll take a nap. Ask Vaughn to wake me when he gets here."

When Father Christopher Vaughn pulled his car into the back yard and turned off the engine, he was surprised to see the curtains missing from all the windows, even the 2 large bay windows that were Jim's office and the records room. He pulled the parking brake and got out.

Andrew greeted him as he opened the back door. He was just making a sandwich, before diving back into the world of cyberspace. His eyes were still itching from the flickering of the screen, but he had almost caught his prey. In a few days, they could hand over the infamous "Gold spinner" hacker on a silver platter to the authorities and receive the rather substantial reward. Andrew was aware that Tempus detective agency was mostly centered on supernatural events, but even Jim agreed that once in a while it didn't hurt to have a normal and high-paying case.

"Good afternoon, Andrew."

"Hey Father. Good to see you. How are things?"

"Very good, thank you. The Vatican has been a tad slow in communicating lately, but today it finally came through. I'm sure we can identify that winged demon now."

"That's good. I think Jim took a nap. We have a…"he lowered his voice, "…a houseguest. A special one."

"I see? Who or what is it?"

"Mercedes' Aunt Connie. And she is driving Jim slightly up the wall."

Andrew pointed to a glued-together vase that stood on the kitchen counter. It was full of yellow streaks of glue, and a piece of the back was missing.

"She says he should just turn it against the wall and no one will notice."

"And that vase…isn't that the…."

"Yep…the Ming vase from the lobby. The one Jim claimed he brought back himself from the first dynasty. She made this huge pot of chili con carne for everybody – as a sort of penance, I guess."

Andrew pointed to the stove, where a black pot – almost a cauldron - stood on the back burner, simmering. Christopher could smell the spicy aroma in the air, and his stomach rumbled.

"For everybody, you say?"

"Go ahead, father. Have a bowl. I'm sure it's fine."

Christopher got a bowl from the cabinet, and filled it from the pot. He tasted it, and nodded approvingly. "Very good. Lots of beans."

"Well, when you finished eating, Jim should be awake. I'll go up and wake him up."

Christopher sat down at the table, while Andrew went upstairs and knocked on Jim's door.

"Jim, Father Christopher is here to see you."

"Good. I'll be down shortly" came the reply from the other side of the door.

Jim rubbed his face and sat up, reaching for the cigarettes on his nightstand. He could feel sweat on his upper body, and ran a hand over his chest. It came up wet. Why was it so hot in here?

Pulling on a shirt, he walked out of his bedroom and down the stairs while buttoning it. He puffed on the cigarette as he passed by Murph's, Herbert's and finally Andrew's office, until he reached the kitchen. He expected to find Christopher there, and sure enough, the priest was eating heartily at a bowl of something.

"Is the church not feeding you, Vaughn?" Jim asked as he entered.

"It does, actually. And believe it or not, sometimes even other things than fish, wine and bread."

Jim smiled. He and Christopher had at first bumped heads on several occasions, but as time went by, they had developed a good report with each other and could now even crack religious jokes at each other. Now, as Christopher had come to serve as a sort of unofficial consultant for Tempus investigations, they saw a lot more of each other, and both men found that they actually enjoyed the other's company.

"Andrew was telling me about your houseguest", Christopher said, "And whatever else she is, she is quite the cook. This is very good chili."

"She made chili?"

Jim looked at the stove, saw the pot and got a bowl himself. "I didn't know she was going to cook. I thought she was cleaning, and…"

He stopped, seeing the vase on the table. He bit his lip, and quickly put down the bowl he was filling.

"She…she…"

"Yes, I saw that. I'm sorry, Jim. It really was a nice vase. "

Jim cleared his throat, and sat down with his chili.  
"Well…at least if she was cooking, she can't have made much other calamity in here. Do you know where she is now?"

"No, I haven't even seen her. Andrew let me in. Are you ready to look over those demon files?"

"Sure. But let's go in the office. We've been trying to keep the supernatural things to a minimum here, so Connie doesn't think we're the spawn of the devil."

"Good point. Well – your office, then?"

They got up, Jim still with his bowl of chili and headed for the door. Christopher paused long enough to put his bowl in the dishwasher, and was a few steps after Jim. Therefore, he only caught the blast of heat from afar as Jim opened the office door.

What felt like tropical heat rushed into the corridor, making both men gasp in surprise. Jim, at first, was reminded of a warehouse he had been in when he was a police officer in the 1930's. It had been by the harbor, and built only of cheap metal plates, and the heat in there had been intolerable. This was like that, without the humidity. Christopher thought of the heat he had felt when he had been in a helicopter, trying to save one of the cardinals in Rome from a huge bonfire. The heat rising from the pyre had been like this, only less clammy.

"What…what's wrong with your office?" Christopher asked. The room looked wrong, too. It was far too bright.

"I…It's Connie! She took down all the curtains! The house is facing the northwest – I've got afternoon sun in here all day! And without curtains…"

Jim strode across the office and opened the window. The metal hinges burned his fingers, and he cursed, hitting the window with the side of his hand. Finally, it opened, and a breeze from the bay blew through the room. Both men breathed deeply in relief.

"She said she was going to take down ALL the drapes. That means the file room is just like this. I've got to let in some air!"

Jim walked quickly back into the corridor, strode down to the file room and opened the door, being careful not to stand in front of the door and saving himself from getting a face full of hot air.

He reached in and turned the knob of the air condition on the wall, turning it to cold, and pushed the button. Almost at once, the temperature began to drop.

He walked back to Christopher, who stood in the door to his office and waited.

"This woman….is driving me insane!" Jim mumbled.

Christopher patted his shoulder.

"Let's look at those files, and forget about her for a while. What do you say?"

4

Later, around dinnertime, Christopher and Jim emerged from the office and stepped into the kitchen. Both of them had large sweat stains on their clothes, both carried pitches that had contained water and both of them had hair that stuck to their foreheads in sweaty lumps.

Herbert, Andrew and Murph met them in the kitchen.

"What the hell have you been doing in there?" Herbert asked. He himself had just come back from a trip downtown to the magic shop, and had two bags of spell components next to his chair.

"Pretending we were missionaries in the Amazon" Christopher said.

"Hey Jim", Murph said, "Did you know that all the drapes are hanging in the bathrooms? You can't even get to the showers."

"I thought as much!" Jim mumbled. "Do any of you know where Connie is?"

"She and Mercedes went shopping downtown. I gave them a ride" Herbert said.

As if called, the front door opened and they could all hear Mercedes' voice in the lobby. A moment later, Connie and Mercedes stood in the kitchen, carrying a bag each. Herbert was surprised at this – normally, when Mercedes had gone shopping, she would carry home 5 or 6 bags.

"Hi guys", Mercedes said, her face smiling. They all knew her well enough, though, and could tell she was not pleased about something.

"What's wrong, honey?" Herbert asked.

"Well…." Mercedes began, but Connie took over.

"We have been clothes shopping for Mercedes, trying to get her something a little more decent to wear, but apparently that is not 'stylish'!"

Mercedes turned her head in amazement. "You really want me to wear stuff like that, Aunt Connie? I'm 21, not 51! I can't wear clothes like that, I'll be the laughing stock of San Francisco!"

"It would be a lot more decent than what you wear these days", Connie said, her voice containing more than a hint of contempt, "do you really think it is appropriate to show the whole street your stomach?"

"It's a tank top! Everybody wears that! It's not indecent or anything!"

"Connie", Herbert began, "I really think you ought to listen to Mercedes on this…"

"Herbert", Connie answered, "when you two are married, you can of course tell her how to dress, but as of now, I am still her family and should help her decide."

Herbert blinked in surprise.

"Perhaps…we should all calm down a bit and relax…" Christopher asked, and got to his feet. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure. My name is Father Christopher Vaughn."

"Conzeptión Garcia, Father… you can call me Connie. I'm so glad to meet you, from what I have heard you are the spiritual center of this house, and I can tell that you must have a hard job."

"Well…I wouldn't call myself a center…I am only here on consultant basis. We're all friends here."

"Yes, I suppose. So, where can I go to hear your sermon on Sunday?"

"My sermon?"

"Yes, I've looked forward to it. Where is your parish?"

"I…well, I don't have one. I work for the Vatican, so I have not been assigned a church."

"Really? Well, then I don't suppose you can really call yourself a real priest, can you?"

"What?" Christopher could hardly believe his ears.

"Maybe…we should get something to eat?" Andrew asked, trying to defuse the situation.

"Well, I have already made a big bowl of chili con carne. It's on the stove, and it should be enough for everyone" Connie said.

Murph cleared his throat.

"Well…actually…there isn't any more."

Andrew looked at him. "What do you mean? I had a bowl a couple of hours ago, and the pot was almost full."

"Well…" Murph said, and blushed slightly, "It was. And I took a bowl…and…well, you know it's like those girl scout cookies. You can't eat just one."

"Don't mention the girl scout cookie incident, Murph!" Jim said, trying to get rid of the image that had just popped up from his memory.

"You mean…" Andrew asked, "You ate the whole thing?"

"It was very good." Murph rubbed his stomach.

"You know there were about 10 cans of beans in that pot, Murph…" Andrew said, suddenly very sorry that he slept on the same floor as Murph.

"Well, in that case, I suppose we should call for some take-out" Jim said, picking up the brochure for the nearby Chinese Catering.

"Well, I should really get home" Christopher said.

"Oh no, Father…won't you stay a while?" Mercedes asked, "I just got here and I haven't seen you for over than a week."

"Yeah, you can flip'n'fuck, Vaughn" Jim said.

"Excuse me?" Christopher stared at him in surprise.

Connie, who had just taken a glass of water, began coughing, and Herbert knocked her on the back.

"That's the chair in the TV room. It has 2 cushions and a back, and it folds down to a bed. Andrew told me that was the term for that kind of couches in the FBI academy.

"I see. Well, I suppose that despite the name, it will be comfortable enough."

Later, as Father Christopher and Jim had finished the last of their work, Christopher headed upstairs to the TV room. Mercedes had made the flip'n'fuck up, and Christopher smiled a bit at the crude, but fitting name. He was about to close the door when he heard Connie call to him from the door to the guestroom across the hall.

"Father…can I have a word with you?"

"Of course. What is the matter?"

"Well…I know this is rather late, but…I was wondering if you would hear my confession? I know you say you do not have a parish, but…"

"…But I'm still a priest" Christopher finished the sentence. "Of course I will, Connie. Would you like to come in here, or should I come to your room?"

"Please, come in here, father. The TV room is so large…I think the smaller room will be more like the confessional."

"All right."

Christopher walked across the hall and closed the door behind him.

Connie sat down on the bed, and gestured for him to sit in a chair next to her. He did so, and said: "The lord welcomes you, Connie. You can speak freely to me."

Connie made the sign of the cross. She sat with her head down and her legs together.

"Bless me father, for I have sinned. It has been 6 days since my last confession."

"And what have you done since, that requires forgiveness?"

"I have had lustful thoughts about a man, Father."

"And…what kind of thoughts are those?" Christopher asked, already hearing alarm bells go off in his head.

"I have had coffee with Murph twice now. He is such a charming man, well read and handsome to look upon. And he loves my cooking, and smiles at me in such a manor that I feel the Devil's temptations."

Christopher had never found Murph particularly handsome, let alone charming, but he kept his face straight.

"And have you acted upon your thoughts, Connie? These…temptations?"

"No, not…" she swallowed, "not yet."

"Well, Connie. I think 10 Hail Mary and 10 Our Fathers should be enough for this. Do you repent your sin?"

"I do."

Christopher touched her forehead with a finger.

"God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son has reconciled the world to Himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

Connie looked up and smiled. Christopher spoke the final words of the ritual.

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good."

"His mercy endures forever."

He got to his feet. "Well, I hope you fell better, Connie. Now, get some sleep, and…"

"Just one moment, Father. There is another matter I wanted to talk to you about."

"Yes?"

"Well…" Connie said, now looking like herself again instead of the humble woman she had been a moment ago, "I wanted to talk to you about the spiritual welfare of this house."

"What do you mean, Connie?"

"Well, naturally, my little Mercedes and Herbert, as well as Murph are good Roman Catholics. But there is the matter of Andrew and Jim…they have both strayed from the path, and it should be your responsibility to bring them to the path of the Lord."

Christopher smiled, and felt a beginning headache behind his one eye.

"Connie, Andrew is a scientist and has absolutely no intention of becoming religious, let alone Catholic. As for Jim, he and I have made our peace with each other. He has a lot of anger towards God, because of past experiences…but he is a spiritual man and has his own kinds of belief. I'm not worried about either of them."

"But I am…and if you can't even convert the people you call your friends, how can you call you call yourself a servant of God?"

Christopher's brow furrowed. "That's the second time tonight you have implied I was not doing my duty as a priest. Let me tell you something, Connie: I have worked very hard and very long to help the Holy Church. I worked in the Vatican itself, met with the cardinals and the Pope, and traveled all over the world for the Church. So, I would appreciate it if you never mentioned that sort of thing again."

"But…"

"No buts. And if you have a problem with my qualifications as a priest, you can take it up with the Holy Father himself. Now, good night!"

Christopher got to his feet and walked through the door, using great restraint not to slam it behind him. Mercedes was passing him in the corridor, and smiled at him. "Good night, Father."

"Good night to you, too."

Christopher wondered if Mercedes' entire family had been like Connie. In that case, he was glad he had never had the chance to meet them.

5

When Jim opened his eyes, he thought he was still dreaming.

He saw Andrew, dressed in boxer shorts, walking past his bed left to right. He was carrying a bath towel and a bar of soap. The reason, of course, that this was a dream, was that Jim slept in a locked bedroom, and that the only thing to the right of his bed was his bathroom.

Andrew vanished, and Jim settled back in the pillow, closing his eyes. Of course it was a dream.

"Morning, Jim."

Jim opened the eyes again. Now it was Herbert, similarly dressed in underwear and bath towel that passed him left to right. And there was Andrew, going the other way….

Jim closed his eyes again. Obviously, he was still dreaming. He waited a while before opening them again…

…just in time to see Mercedes pass the bed, dressed in a knee-long t-shirt and holding a makeup bag.

Jim squeezed the eyes shut. This time, he was determined to get out of the dream.

When he opened them again, his room was empty.

He breathed a sigh of relief, and swung his legs out of the bed. He took one step to the door of the bathroom, opened it…and was face to face with Murph, sitting on his toilet.

"Morning."

"MURPH! What in the name of the great flatfooted centipede are you doing in MY BATHROOM?"

"Connie put all the curtains up in the bathrooms on the other floors. There's only this one and the cubicle toilet downstairs. And you know I can't fit in there."

"Murph…." Jim's voice got a sharp edge to it, "I don't care if you have to climb through layers of wet clothes. Get the hell out of my bathroom!"

Murph leaned back and lifted the newspaper he held in his hand.

"Almost done, Jim."

Jim for a moment considered pulling out his sword and decapitating Murph right there, but controlled himself, if for no other reason that it would be a unequaled mess to clean up afterwards. Besides, he wasn't even sure if cutting off Murph's head would kill him. When you had drunken from the Holy Grail, all bets were off.

Instead, he went back to his nightstand, got his cigarettes and lit one. He stood by the window, smoking, until Murph walked out, humming a happy tune. Then, he went in, opened the window and turned on the shower.

"These are for you."

Connie turned around and saw Murph holding a bouquet of flowers out to her.

"Ohh, Murph…that is so…thank you!"

She took the massive bouquet, and noticed that it still had roots full of dirt at the bottom.

"I think I saw a vase in one of the cabinets. Mercedes, dear, would you hand it to me?"

Mercedes, who had been sitting by the table, got up and rummaged through the cabinets until finding a large vase. She poured a bit of water into it and held it out to Connie.

While her Aunt was arranging the flowers, Mercedes whispered to Murph:

"Aren't these the flowers from the house across the street?"

"Well…yes."

"Murph, you can't just keep taking plants like that! You stole the Christmas tree too!"

"They were just standing there. Mrs. Valorski never uses them. I thought the flowers were for everybody."

Mercedes sighed. Sometimes talking to Murph was like talking to the old dog she had owned when she was a little girl. You could yell at it, and it would just smile a dumb smile and trot away.

Looking at him, Mercedes realized that Murph was wearing a suit she had never seen him wear before. It was out of date, but she guessed it probably had been quite fashionable when he had bought it.

"How come you're all dressed up, Murph?"

"You like it? My wife bought me this suit in 1964. I only use it on special occasions."

"What occasion?"

"Well…" Murph looked at Connie, "I was hoping your lovely Aunt would do me the honor of going to dinner with me. If you don't mind", he asked Mercedes, his face suddenly worried.

"Well…naturally, Murph…I'd be glad to have dinner with you" Connie answered. She looked at Mercedes who shook her head.

"If you want to, Aunt Connie…."

Murph offered Connie his arm, and they walked out the backdoor.

Mercedes sat down at the table, and took a sip of the coffee in her cup. She barely had time to swallow it, before Jim, Herbert and Andrew came in. Christopher came behind them, looking slightly uncomfortable but determined.

"Mercedes", Andrew said, "We really need to talk. About your Aunt."

"What about her?"

The four men looked at each other. Then, they looked at Jim, who cleared his throat.

"Um…Mercedes, we've tried to welcome your Aunt to the house, and show her the best side of us. But…enough is enough. The woman is a menace."

"But, Jim…"

"She threw away my spell components!", Herbert said, "the other day when she was cleaning. She said they smelled and she thought they were rotten, so she threw them away."

"Her dog chewed up 5 backup discs of mine, as well as piss on my rooter" Andrew continued.

"Let's not even talk about the curtains, and the Ming vase!" Jim said.

"And Mercedes, however I like to see the best in people, I must admit that your Aunt and I have gotten some bad blood between us."

"How?" Mercedes asked.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Mercedes sighed.

"Well…to tell you the truth, guys…she's been getting on my nerves too. She keeps telling me how I should submit to my husband and wear boring clothes. Yesterday, when I was putting on makeup, she told me that the whore of Babylon wears colors on her face. Please!"

"All right, so we can all agree that she should go home?" Jim asked.

"Well, all besides Murph, who I think has a crush on her now" Andrew said dryly, "I heard him refer to her as a 'kind, gentle deer of a woman'…"

"The only problem, guys, is that I don't think she has any intention of going home right now. She was telling me yesterday that she can stay three months before she has to extend her visa! And besides, I can't just ask her to leave…she's family!"

Herbert hugged her, and nodded. "No, you are right, Honey. We need to be sly here."

Christopher, who had been quiet for a moment, now spoke up.

"I think, I have an idea."

When Connie and Murph returned from their dinner date, they both looked slightly flushed and smiling. The rest of the team was waiting for them in the lobby.

"What's this?" Connie asked, "Are you going out on assignment?"

"No, Aunt Connie. We thought we would take you to the club where we all like to go and hang out. I'm sure you'll love it!" Mercedes said, gave Connie's arm a squeeze, and led her out to the waiting car.

It was a week night, and the line outside Convergence Club was short. Jim flashed his special membership card to the doorman, who opened the secret door in the wall and let them descend through the painting of a Greek temple.

"What…what kind of club is this?" Connie asked, looking at the red glow of flames inside the wall.

"It's called 'Convergence Club'", Jim explained, "It is run by a friend of mine. I've known him for years, and he always likes to see new people."

Connie fell silent, as they descended the stairs, and came out in the large, cave-like bar area.

Bob, the owner of the club, waved at them from behind the bar. He looked every bit as devilish as always, his horns glimmering in the flicker from the fake flames. He opened a bottle with his tail, as they made their way to the bar. A couple of the patrons looked at Christopher with less than friendly glances, but nobody made a move against him. The politics in Convergence Club was clear – no violence, period – or you would find yourself in a very different hell.

"Jim! Good to see you. And you brought the team, I see. How's it going, Herbert? Mercedes? Andrew? Murph?"

"Great" Andrew answered for them all, pointing to Connie, "This is Mercedes' Aunt Connie, from out of town."

Bob looked at Connie, and his eyes widened.

"Aah, a beautiful woman from south of the border! And a Catholic, to boot, of course. I thought you had enough in this one", he said and gestured with his tail towards Christopher. His eyes gave a small wink to Christopher, who did not return it. He followed the rules here, but still found it disconcerting to drink with a creature who claimed to be the son of the Devil.

"But…wait!" Bob said, and looked closer at Connie, "I see…I see that this one has some interesting sins in her…yes, indeed." His tail crept around Connie's arm and pulled her arm forward. Bob bent his head and kissed her hand.

"Charmed, _signora._"

Connie had gone very pale.

"What…who is this…creature?" She looked at Mercedes, her eyes full of disbelief.

"This is Bob, Aunt Connie. He's the son of Lucifer…well, at least that's what he says he is…and he's my friend."

"You are friends with…" Connie began, making the sign of the cross.

"No need to be rude..." Bob mumbled at the gesture.

"Yes, I'm friends with him, because he is nice, and open and gentle. Things are not always what they seem, Aunt Connie. My parents were not as happy in their restaurant as you think, my friends are not so horrible as you think, and most importantly of all, I am not a little girl anymore! I am a grown woman now, and I can decide for myself what I want to do, who I want to be with, how I will dress and when I will marry. I want you to understand that."

Connie breathed deeply a couple of times. Bob leaned forward and handed her a bottle.

"Tail ale? You look like you could use it."

Connie took a mouthful from the bottle, and then looked at him. "This…is rather good."

"Thank you." Bob smiled at her. "And Connie, really…there is no reason to think it was a sin. I was just teasing you."

"I…well, thank you."

"Should we all sit down?" Jim asked.

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer" Connie said, lifting her suitcase up and carrying it to her car, "but…I guess you are right. Your life here is your own, and I should stay out of it."

"That's not what I meant at all, Aunt Connie" Mercedes said, walking her to her car, "as long as you respect me and my friends."

"And I do. I'm sorry if I seemed disrespectful."

Connie put the suitcase in the trunk and looked up to the house, where Murph appeared, holding her dog in his arms. He carried it down to the car and let it into the back seat. The rest of the team came after him, all lining up to say goodbye.

"Good buy, Connie." Murph looked down, and a tear crossed his cheek. Connie took a step towards him, raised his face up, and gave him a kiss.

"Call me, Murph. I mean it."

"I will."

"And you are always welcome in Mexico."

Connie smiled and kissed his cheek. Then, she walked to Andrew and shook his hand.

"Goodbye, muchacho. It was good to meet you."

"Likewise, Connie."

Herbert got a hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

"Now, you take good care of her, you hear?"

"I hear you, Connie. And I will."

Connie shook hands with Jim, but then gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"Quit smoking, young man. That's a good advice from your elder."

Jim smiled, almost saying something about his age, but noticed Mercedes' stern eyes and didn't.

"I'll…think about it. Goodbye, Connie."

Finally, Connie faced Father Christopher.

"If I said anything…" she began

"All is forgotten" Christopher said, "Go with God and have a safe journey."

They shook hands, and Connie got in her car, after giving Mercedes a final, big hug.

She started the engine, and the car pulled away from the curb, heading down Market Street.

The members of the Tempus team looked at each other, and then began walking back to the house. As they stepped into the lobby, the phone on Mercedes' desk rang, and she answered it.

"Tempus Investigations, hello. Oh, Kat! Great to hear from you! What? You got a double homicide that might be related to a Vampire cult?"

She sat down behind the desk and began taking notes.

"Sure, we can help you. We need some peace and quiet!"


End file.
